On Seeking Validation

I find myself struggling to share my work with peers. I find it even more terrifying to share on social media.

I wasn’t like this before. I shared without hesitation. But something changed. It’s not crippling perfectionism. It’s not a lack of output. Nor a lack of time.

It’s because I have come to prioritize others’s opinions over my own. Looking for likes, retweets, and higher views. Interpreting their silence as unspoken yet loud NO’s. I obsessed with the engagement numbers to the point where it began to dictate what I should post, or what to mint.

While I agree that one mustn’t carelessly denigrate social institutions, I believe individuation is all the more important.

This short exercise will help me dissect the issue and find some helpful remedies.

It’s okay to seek validation. It’s okay to look for that thumbs up or that pat on the back. It goes wrong when a) one values others’ validation more than self or divine validation, and b) one’s self-worth follows the peaks and troughs of the amount of outside validation they’ve received.

Why seek outside validation in the first place?

Fear of social rejection. Fear of public speaking ranks higher than fear of death. Seeking validation, therefore, is a form of self-preservation.

Then there’s a lack of confidence. When one lacks confidence in one’s own judgement, others’ opinions will be valued more. This is okay when one is seeking advice so as to maximize the probability of better outcomes. It goes wrong as soon as one stops filtering the best pieces of advice to take and lose sight of their own involvement in the situation. Taking advice from a uninvolved party without much thought and consideration is detrimental. Only those involved have full understanding of the situation. Discerning which piece(s) of advice to keep, and which ones to discard requires confidence.

Seeking validation from others, whether caused by fear of social rejection or lack of confidence, and letting that dictate some part of my self-worth, brought me to a place of unassured confidence.

Where do I go from here?